die before you die

In my highschool yearbook I listed as my goal "to live forever or die trying." Today I'd be more likely to say "Die before you die, so that when you die, you don't die."

When I was younger I was very much attached to the gross level of reality, but more and more I start to feel my way into deeper levels of reality. I know that I have never truly been separate from the rest of the kosmos and that if I can come to feel that connection through and through, then death is nothing to be afraid of. My contracted ego is still very much afraid of death however, and that's something I need to work on. Transitions into altered states (as in my sleep paralysis fear or that associated with ayahuasca sessions) is still a big challenge for me. I believe all of these things are interrelated, and comes down to my contracted ego having a hard time letting go into a deeper sense of identity. Ultimately I do believe, as Schroedinger said, "Consiousness is a singular of which the plural is unknown." Hopefully before this body dies I will recognize my deepest identity, see my original face, and live in the world as that. It sounds like it would be incredibly trippy -ironically from the way people talk about it, by the time you get to enjoy it "you" aren't around any more. Now that's funny.